


Exposé

by Karasuno Volleygays (ToBeOrNotToBeAGryffindor)



Series: Valentine's Kisses 2019 [9]
Category: Haikyuu!!, ダイヤのA | Daiya no A | Ace of Diamond
Genre: Established Relationship, M/M, Paparazzi Issues, sexual innuendo
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-09
Updated: 2019-01-09
Packaged: 2019-10-07 09:49:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,663
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17363732
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ToBeOrNotToBeAGryffindor/pseuds/Karasuno%20Volleygays
Summary: The thought of the media following him and Suga around sounded tiresome at best, but luckily for him, his boyfriend was somewhat of an evil genius.





	Exposé

**Author's Note:**

> This fic is a continuation of my other Miyuki/Suga fic, [A Forever Kind of Thing](https://archiveofourown.org/works/6205519), and it was inspired by [this article](http://www.ladbible.com/funny/celebrity-daniel-radcliffes-way-of-dealing-with-the-paparazzi-was-brilliant-20170209) about Dan Radcliffe's ploy to thwart paparazzi trying to sneak shots of him and his girlfriend.

Well, it was bound to happen sooner or later.   


Miyuki was surprised it hadn’t happened already, with the general public’s penchant for feeling entitled to the minutiae of professional athletes’ personal lives. It was especially irritating because this particular exposé was the kind that would certainly be wrapped in scandal.

Ten minutes before, a mobile phone camera caught Miyuki making a completely ridiculous and moony face at his date, and by the next morning, everyone in Japan would know about it. 

It wasn’t that he didn’t want anyone to know he was dating someone absurdly fun, witty, outrageous, and attractive. He didn’t even care if the whole world knew he was dating a guy. It just wasn’t anyone else’s business, and that was enough.

“This is going to be annoying,” Miyuki grumbled, biting back the urge to launch some stranger’s iPhone into the nearest storm drain. 

Suga elbowed him in the ribs, knocking the wind out of Miyuki’s lungs. “Don’t even think about it. I’m pretty sure it would be worse if everyone thought you were some kind of rage monster instead of just the worst-dressed gay in the west end of Tokyo.”

Shaking his head, Miyuki sighed. “I don’t know if you understand what this will mean. People will follow you around, asking you questions they have no right to ask and get mad if you don’t answer. Some might even say some gross stuff they wouldn’t say to anyone else’s face because you will never know who they are.”

Suga wrapped his arms around Miyuki’s bicep and leaned into his side. “I’ll be fine. While I should most certainly be famous because I’m just that good, nobody even knows who I am, Kazuya. I’m more worried about you.”

“Me?” Miyuki’s mouth quirked into a frown. “Why would you be worried about me?”

Rolling his eyes, Suga chortled. “You’re a pro athlete, Kazuya. And also into guys. People aren’t going to let you forget it. Ever.”

“I know that.” Miyuki crammed his hands into his hoodie pockets. “It doesn’t matter. It’s just going to be a major headache.” 

Suga frowned, but Miyuki felt a wave of ominous energy wash over him when it slowly morphed into a smirk. “I have an idea.”

Miyuki quirked a brow. “Is this going to involve jail time?”

“Probably not.” Suga’s eyes glittered, and Miyuki almost forgot that whatever plot Suga was hatching was likely to get them both in trouble. “Here’s what we’ll do . . .”

Slowly, Miyuki wrapped his head around Suga’s plan, and he had to admit that he liked it. A lot. It suited their style, and would be a level of petty revenge worth aspiring to. “I’m in, Suga-chan. Just let me know what I need to do.”

“Right now?” He waggled his brows and grinned. “I’d very much like a closer look at the thing you did this morning.”

“Thing I —” Miyuki’s cheeks flamed. “I swear, you do this on purpose.”

With a chortle, Suga said, “Well, duh. If I can’t make you blush, how good of a boyfriend would I really be?”

“One of these days, Suga-chan. One of these days, I’m going to get you back for that.” Miyuki pecked a kiss on Suga’s forehead. “But let’s go work on this plan of yours. I’m feeling cheeky now.”      

Suga bumped his hip against Miyuki’s. “I knew I’d be a good influence on you.”

“Always.”

 

📷📷📷

 

Their clothes from the day before lay draped over the back of Miyuki’s desk chair, airing out so their plot wouldn’t make either of them suffer unnecessarily. Plans for the afternoon involved a late lunch, a little bit of grocery shopping, and a coffee shop visit if they had enough time. 

Once it was time to leave, they stripped off their fresh change of clothes in favor of yesterday’s outfits. Miyuki didn’t mind; Suga’s jacket always smelled like food from his restaurant. It made him hungry, amongst other things.

The two of them headed out for their first stop of the day, a bustling cafe in downtown Tokyo’s business district. Swarms of salarymen with camera phones and a void to fill in their pocketbooks would be everywhere.

As expected, the tabloids did indeed get a hold of that snapshot. Suga laughed as he flicked through six different pages with the same blurry photo. “Maybe we were worried for nothing. It barely looks like us.”

“Since when does the truth matter when it comes to selling magazines?” Miyuki shrugged and turned his attention to his lunch. He was pretty sure Suga’s cooking was better, but they weren’t there for the food. “How’s your mapo tofu?”

Suga wrinkled his nose. “Not nearly hot enough.” His gaze strayed over to a recently vacated table nearby, and he swiped the shichimi shaker from it. An obscene amount made its way onto Suga’s plate. “Much better.”                      

Miyuki pointed his chopsticks at Suga. “You know, one of these days, you’re going to catch on fire eating so much of that stuff.”

“And what a way to go.” Suga inhaled the pungent steam wafting from his food and set into it like he hadn’t seen food in days.

As they plowed their way through lunch, Miyuki noticed several sets of eyes on them. Passers-by and even other customers sparked with recognition when they saw the newest piece of gossip in their midst. 

Excellent.

Miyuki barely finished his meal by the time Suga was itching to move on with their day. “You know, for a chef, you’re an awfully quick eater. You should savor it.”

Suga leaned over to whisper in Miyuki’s ear. “I’d much rather savor a helping of screw you to these paparazzi.”

“You’re very devious, Suga-chan.” Miyuki made a show of helping Suga from his chair. Lacing their fingers together, their mouths met for a very public, very obvious, very spicy kiss.

They left the restaurant on a red carpet of hushed whispers and the fake shutter sound of phone cameras. Suga was definitely a genius.

Everywhere they went for the rest of the evening was more of the same. Nearly everyone was looking at them, talking about them, photographing them, or some combination thereof. They stopped in various high traffic places to make a show of their ‘date’. Their barista even drew little hearts on their cups instead of their names.

When Miyuki finally flung himself down on the couch in his apartment, he sighed. “I hope we don’t have to do that too long. It’s exhausting trying to care what other people think.”

“You’ll get there, trust me.” Suga snaked his arms around Miyuki’s shoulders from behind, letting his fingers slowly rake down Miyuki’s chest. “I hope I didn’t wear you out. I had plans for tonight.”

“No, I —” He groaned when he cottoned on to Suga’s meaning. “I’m never too tired to make plans. I’ll make plans with you from my deathbed.”

Suga scoffed in his ear. “I’ll pretend you didn’t say that if you do the thing again.”

“Deal.”

 

📷📷📷

 

The next two weeks were much of the same, with them wearing the exact same outfits and going to the exact same places every day. After the first rash of photos from the beginning of their escapades died in popularity, fewer and fewer new candids surfaced.

After all, it was hard to sell pictures that look like what everyone else had.

By week three, all but a little trickle of gossip about them still milled around social media. The public had already started to gravitate toward a male idol who had just done a photoshoot of himself if high heels and thigh high stockings. Suga even printed out one of the pictures from a celebrity trash blog and brought it to bed with them.

Miyuki wasn’t sure how he felt about being balls deep in someone who was making googly eyes at another man, but when it was his name laced with moans and profanity that would make a sailor blush, he was fairly certain he could live with it.

It was more than a month before they finally went out in a fresh change of clothes, and they found themselves to be wonderfully inconspicuous. Elbows hooked together, Miyuki and Suga strolled down their block unmolested by onlookers. 

At their regular diner, a hole-in-the-wall noodle shop they far preferred to the overpriced gourmet stuff from the cafe, Suga flipped through a tabloid that didn’t even mention Miyuki or his ‘mystery pal’ on the cover. 

However, Suga dropped the magazine on the table and shoved it toward him. “Kazuya, you have to read this. Oh my god.”

Miyuki skimmed through the article, eyes growing wider along with his smirk the more he read. It was even better than they had hoped. The headline alone was the best news he had heard all day.

 

**ACTORS FAKE HIGH PROFILE ROMANCE, CELEB SCANDAL**

 

The piece launched into a tinfoil hat theory that an actor who looked like Miyuki was paid by a rival magazine to pose in scandalous pictures of him with a man in a ‘compromising situation’ — a desperate ploy to raise sales and ruin this ‘legitimate publication’s credentials as the first to get the real scoop.

“Normally, I would wonder what possessed them to hit send on something this moronic, but this is exactly what we were going for.” Miyuki muttered. “Well done, Suga-chan.” 

Suga beamed, and Miyuki’s heart stuttered at the dazzling sight. “Now I can finally show you this.” He held out his phone, which was pulled up on a text conversation.

          **From: Mochi-chan~**  
          _i hope you assholes are doing laundry between shows_

Miyuki snorted, covering his face with his hands to avoid drawing undue attention to their presence. “Oh, how do I even deserve you?”

Mimicking deep thought, Suga finally said, “It’s the thing. Definitely the thing.”

The two of them laughed, smiling their way through the rest of their meal, and Miyuki wondered once again how he ever got lucky enough to find someone this wonderfully devious.


End file.
